Mar 23rd, 2013 3:59pm
It’s been awhile and I’m sorry. Though, I think i’ll come back to update this more often now. I’m trying to go back into my old hobbies because well, I’m not doing too well. I’m not exactly emotionally stable now a days. Most days I can hold myself up but others I can’t help but drop to the floor and cry the worlds oceans. So I’m trying to go back at do things that use to make me happy.
Nov 26th, 2012 10:59am
A year ago from today, I realized that I don’t take as much pictures of myself. I use to do it all the time and when I would do it, theey would be 35 pictures in one set. Now a days, it’s one picture and it’s not even that good. (in my eye) Maybe I’m just getting tired of it or I don’t find myself attractives as I once thought I was.
Funny, because yesterday, I was in a great mood. I wanted to do my make up and take pictures, so I did. I felt so confident, it was great. I just had this happy aura around me because I kept thinking things like “I’ve changed so much in the past few years. Wow, I actually don’t think I’m ugly for a change. I don’t feel beautiful but I feel pretty. I think maybe it’s because of my friends. They compliment me all the time, maybe it’s finally getting to my head.” But then I took the pictures and had a change of heart.
I didn’t like any of them. I couldn’t stand any of them. I felt as that I was ugly in all of them. Not only was I just ugly, I looked fat too, like wow how great.
Why do I feel like this all the time? I just want it to stop. This self hating thing, it won’t go away. I can’t stop.
I need help.
Nov 12th, 2012 5:15pm
They say that heartbreak is the worst feeling in the world. I think not being comfortable in your own body is the worst. Because it messes with you, forever. It never really goes away. Heartbreak is temporary but this, this hating your body thing. It stays with you always. I would know. I’ve been dealing with this for a few years now. I believe since six or seventh grade. I’ve liked my body and I don’t think I will ever like it. I’ve lost weight and grew taller but it didn’t change anything. It isn’t enough and it won’t be enough, even if I’m skin and bones.
Nov 1st, 2012 10:53pm
So this was taken on the night of watching Blink-182’s performance last year. (It was my second time seeing them) I had such a great time, simply because i got to watch them. Though i had seen them the year before it was nice to see them again. Blink-182 is my all time favrotie band. I can listen to them all the time and I would never get tired of them. I’ve gotten through so much with them. They’ve actually played a big part of my life. My mom is actually a fan of them and that’s how i got into them. She would play one of their cd’s in the car and i would always jam out to them with her. And actually when they first came back, my mom and I went to their concert. It was so awesome. I felt nice actually going to a concert where my mom and I enjoyed the music together. I’m so glad that blink-182 is around. Thank you for being here.
The reason why i’m saying all this is because a band lost a member today. Everyone is grieving and it’s terrible. I’m pretty sad about it but it hasn’t hit my like others. So i’m here appreciating my favorite bands because Mark, Tom and Travis are my heros and I don’t know where i would be without them.
Oct 29th, 2012 1:49am
I love you so much. You’ll never understand and I don’t think I’ll ever tell you. I know it seems weird but I don’t care. You’re one of those people that I want in my life forever. I really can’t live without you. From your stupid moments, to your laugh to your Derp faces. You’re a friend that I would die for. I’m glad that I get to spend the time that I do with you. I mean we’re very close but sometimes it’s not in a sense of stuff where I talk to you about totally serious things but its okay because it’s like you still know me. You know me for who I am and what I am. Ugh I think I can go on forever with this. So I guess I’ll just stop here and say, I love you and thanks for being my best friend .
Oct 17th, 2012 2:18pm
Oh the month of October, how interesting you’re turning out to be. On one hand, my heart is going mad and on the other, my head is losing control. But I don’t want to go into detail with that today.
On the bright side, i’ll be having my own spooky halloween. I’m leaving for orlando to go to horror nights next thrusday.
oooo spooky y scary
Sep 11th, 2012 11:29pm
“Did i do something wrong?’
Of course i did something wrong. I always do something wrong, regardless of what it is. Here i was thinking that maybe I should stop it before i do something. I never thought of it as the word you spoke of. Because I was trying to rid myself of you. I’m terrible, I really am. I don’t know how to deal or handle things. I’m a complete mess. I need help. I’m so tired of feeling like this. So tired of feeling regretful. So tired of just wanting to go back and change everything.
i just want it to end.
Sep 10th, 2012 10:23pm
I really just want to talk to you. I want to tell you all the things that’s been happening to me lately. I want to laugh again with you. I want everything to go back. I miss you oh so much.
And when I do talk to you, it’s like i’m talking to someone who isn’t even there anymore. Or someone that’s moved on. Or i don’t even know.
Aug 30th, 2012 11:26pm
Now a days, everyone feels like this. It’s a basic a trend. A trend i’m following because i’m mainstream.
Aug 24th, 2012 11:42pm
I’ve made it through the first week of school, woooo hooo! Heh, nothing to be excited about really. This year is totally going to be lame. Well maybe not all that entirly. This year, i’m going to try to find myself. Work on my grades more, work out more, work on music more along with art. I’ll be working hard all year. I might stress myself out but hey, that’s what comes with again working hard.